Finding the Borderline Between Self-Care and Selfishness: How to Know When You’ve Done Enough

There’s a fine line between self-care and selfishness, and it’s often hard to find. If you’re someone who deeply cares for others, how far should you go before making a fool out of yoursel? How much help should you offer before people start taking you for granted? Well, my dear, there’s no definite answer to this. However, there are some signs that you’ve done everything you can, and any further effort will do nothing but harm you at the end of the day.

1. You do your best to be there for them, yet, they vanish when you need them.

The one essential rule for being friends is being there for each other when life is tough. So, when you do your best to be around them, cheer them up and make their lives easier, and they don’t do the same, it’s a sign that this friendship is toxic. Out of self-care, you should just walk away, find yourself some real friends who will go the extra mile just to brighten up your dull days.

2. Your efforts are no longer appreciated.

Dear, every little thing you do to someone must be rewarded with a smile of appreciation. Each little gesture must mean something to the other party. So, if you do buy them a chocolate or a diamond ring, you must sense that they do appreciate your presence in their lives. If you don’t feel it, if all your efforts are faced with nothing but neglect, walk away. That’s not selfishness, dear, that’s purely self-care.

3. When both your world and theirs only revolve around them.

So, hear me as I tell you this short story. You and the other person -whether a friend or a lover- are in a terrible place in your lives, and while you try to be around them and help them, all you get in return is them turning you down. Their excuse is, “My life is shit at the moment. So, please, accept my shitty attitude and my unexplainable behavior because I’m in a bad place. I expect you to still be around and other wise, I’ll consider you selfish.” But no dear, you’re not selfish. You, too, are in a terrible place and they need to learn how to be kind to you even when their life’s shit.

4. Excuses excuses excuses…

You wanna see them, talk to them or do whatever you used to, but they always find an excuse to give you a rain check. They put you on hold because they know you’ll always be around. You’re the one person who’s never leaving their side, and hence, they take you for granted. They ignore your calls and texts because you’ll forgive. They’ll only show you the dramatic negative side of their lives and ignore you when things are good. If that’s the case, run for your life! Nobody will dare call you selfish. That friendship/relationship screams toxicity.

At the end of the day, you should be the most important person to yourself. If it affects you negatively, screw it, and no dear, that is NOT selfishness.