I’ve always viewed romantic relationships as something that’s so simple; I mean, two people that love one another, what could you possibly want more? As days went on, I found out that it was more than just love. Relationships require a lot of effort, and I’m not just talking about the text-me-when-you-get-up kind of effort. This effort can be tolerance; when one of you messed up or forgot something, it can be actual mental effort; when you try your best to be understanding of whichever irritates your partner, and when you try to comfort them.
When going through every kind of possible effort that has to be made in order for two people to maintain their romantic relationship, it hit me that the most important of them all is any effort the other party is willing to make to help you overcome your negatives, that are; your fear, insecurities, self-hatred, self-loathing, etc.
Some might call it too demanding of the other party, but is it,really, too demanding to have your own partner as your emotional crutch? If someone even hints that mental support is too demanding, grab your shoes and run the other way… or wait, you can forget about your shoes, the most important is to run as fast as you can that other way. It’s not only a meaningless relationship, but it might as well not be a healthy one, it can affect you negatively, you’d drown in overthinking their perspective, you’ll go ‘Is it really demanding to have someone support me beyond my self-loathing?’. You must acknowledge that the answer is no, because honestly people are so into the “no one will love you until you love yourself” mentality, no one is willing to put some effort in order to provide some support. Yet keep in mind that the most successful relationships are the ones where both parties are willing to make some effort.
Some relationships are exhausting, yes, true that. Some are exhausting and yet unsuccessful, it’s probably because one of the parties has reached their limit in their effort, and unfortunately, it’s not a good matchup. You see, there is no such thing as the perfect couple, but a good couple is one that in which both parties have some negatives that are fixable within the capacity of the other party’s efforts. So yes, it’s mostly a game of matching up with the right partner. A serious game indeed.
Effort can be put under the name of love, and when I said in the beginning that relationships are more than just love, I meant that it was more than just feelings, they are, in fact, all about the act of love. Effort is an act of love.
I’ve always had the fear of waking up someday and my lover decided that he doesn’t love me anymore, devastating to be put through it, isn’t it? Just the idea is horrible and killing that it makes you not want to go to sleep in fear of waking up to see that they’re not there anymore. But if someone truly loves you, they’d take the weight of those fears so you could sleep peacefully at night knowing for sure that they would be there in the morning, still loving you.
If you’d tell a single person those words, they’d simply say “But aren’t you pretty much pushing the heavy load on your partner?”, no, you’re not. No one is talking about you, accumulating all your insecurities’ load, all of the self-loathing, and just dumping it on the first person you feel a strand of affection towards. Nope. We’re just talking about someone you fall in love with, open up to, then them offering to be there for you as you let go of the weight that’s been holding you down and striping you of living the beautiful life you know for sure that you deserve.
Everyone deserves to love and be loved, we all run in this life trying to find the perfect lover for ourselves, but we never stopped to ask ourselves if we were the perfect lover as well. Relationships are too simple for those who view that making effort is a necessity. At the end of the day, you want to go home, hug your lover and spill your guts out while acknowledging that someone’s there that will surely contain you without saying that it’s too much. All you’d both need at that moment is a mutual warm embrace.