Most of us like to think these lies and concessions save the day, but on the long run, it’s going to ruin things. As far as I could remember, movies and shows featured these lies until they became programmed into our mentality. Commonly, some people believe lying about ‘sensitive’ matters saves the relationship, but in reality, it’s toxic.
You’re likely familiar with these lies, but here’s why you and your partner need to stop telling them:
- “You’re right.”: This lie is a favorite in the world of relationships. A scenario where a heated argument seems to lead to an outburst, the safest thing we think of is relinquishing our rights and blurting those horrible two words. If there’s a way to destroy a relationship, it’s that one. If your partner is wrong—if their argument is invalid and you both know it—you shouldn’t lie. Don’t tell them they’re right if they’re not. Don’t lie to keep the peace if you seriously want a concrete base for your relationship—if you want equal footing!
- “Do you like what I did to my hair?” “Yes, it’s…perfect?”: Be very careful of this one. Men tend to be the victims of this particular lie more than women. They think women want empty flattery over gentle truth. If their hair doesn’t complement their appearance, be gentle in telling them so. If they’re mad, understand it, and don’t blame them for their embarrassment; they’d wanted to take your breath away, give them space to accept the scenario didn’t go as planned. The worst thing a partner could do is get angry for the reaction they received for telling the truth. You can follow up with a suggestion to show them how genuinely important it is for you to make sure they’re at their best and how beautiful/handsome you still believe they are.
- “It’s not you, it’s me.”: The oldest, worst lie in the history of lies. You think you’re saving them heartbreak by freeing them of the guilt, but in truth, you’re letting someone else get hurt. This might come as a surprise, but if a relationship falls apart, truth is essential for a healthy breakup. Lies lead to confusion and heartbreak, and that leads to prolonged misery. And don’t forget you’ll let them get away with breaking you—because you insisted it wasn’t them!
- “I’m fine.”: There should be a collective groan for this one. This lie has destroyed numerous relationships. If there’s something lodged in your throat, spit it out! No one’s a mind reader to figure out what possibly ticked you off. Be mindful to your words, but tell the truth how you feel it. Don’t intentionally hurt them because it was in the middle of a ‘rant’. There’s never an excuse to hurt your partner when you’re complaining. Never bottle your emotions—negative and otherwise—unless you want to lose yourself and your partner.
It’s never enough to stress how bad lying is for a relationship. If you can’t trust your partner to show them your true self and opinion—if you can’t trust them to tell them if they’re doing something wrong—start rethinking your strategy!
There’s one lesson to learn from Umbridge the horrible wench: We must never tell lies.