The Douche-bag’s Manual For Breaking Up With You

A harsh part of adulting includes being dumped, however, these four ways of dumping have proven to be the harshest and common among players who were never serious about the relationship in the first place.

1- The classic “It’s not you, it’s me.”


If your partner breaks up with you using this sentence, there’s a 99% chance it’s him/her. It’s usually easier to blame oneself instead of confronting you with the relationship defects and it’s a good way to draw pity and make you forget they are the douche-bags.

2- Picking up fights waiting for you to do it first

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Well, being too coward to break up, your partner intentionally picks fights on everything in hopes of one of two things: either a fight gets big enough to end things or you get tired of it so you end it.

3-No texting back, returning your calls, basically disappearing

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This one is my favourite because it leaves much room for interpretation; are they dead? Did they get kidnapped? Will you ever be enough for anyone? But also how can you not guess that by totally disappearing from your life they are breaking up with you are you dumb? Your bad, to be honest.

4- The epic waking up the next day to find them engaged/in another relationship


This one has always been a mystery for me but yeah apparently some people just get so engrossed in their other relationships that they don’t have time to break up with you, or maybe they just forget to. They just leave the job to the new Facebook relationship status to do it.