The Morning I Felt Happy Again

2017 has been so remarkable to me. It had more ups and downs than any other year of my life. 2017 witnessed the best laughs I ever had, but also it gave me stress like no other year has ever given me *cough*Thanaweya Amya*cough*. In 2017 I did things that made me feel I was actually doing something good and that my life wasn’t useless at all; I finally felt like I was making a difference. I met more people in 2017 than I have met in my whole life, and I made friendships that felt like they have lasted for ages. 2017 has definitely been generous to me as I explored myself more than ever and realized stuff that I never had any idea they even existed.

Being a high school senior, stress is something inevitable and unavoidable especially if you’re not the brightest student and if you actually care to get high grades, and as much as I hate to admit it but I felt bad for a while.

I love to be happy and sadness is something that I would rarely call a visitor of mine, let alone depression, so I was kinda feeling bad because I was feeling bad, do you get what I mean? The feeling that something could actually annoy me annoyed me more, and I know it may not make much sense, but it’s true. I had no idea what could happen to change my mood and make me feel happy again. Nothing was going right and for the first time in so long I couldn’t find anything that would make happy. The chocolate cheesecake in the fridge that I would normally go crazy for didn’t seem interesting at all, and my guitar’s tunes didn’t seem to satisfy me even when I played that song that always helps me relax and relieve stress.

It was already past midnight and 2018 had already begun, but I was never a new year person anyway so naturally I was staying at home checking the instagram stories of my friends celebrating. I was getting ready to sleep when a friend of mine who I haven’t seen in a while replied to a message I had sent earlier saying: “I love you and I miss you so much”. It wasn’t much but it made me feel less drained and I felt it lit some light inside of me.

I thought to myself that since I’m already feeling bad and I know no way of changing that, why not just text my friends to tell them that I love and miss them? I mean, it worked when my friend told me that, and I knew that although it wouldn’t do much but it would at least make someone smile.

I decided to put my phone on airplane mode so I wouldn’t be interrupted, and I started sending messages to my friends who I love the most telling them “bahebak/bahebek” because I always thought the word in Arabic had a nicer sound than saying “I love you”. I wrote nothing too big or complicated, just saying that I love them and appreciate their friendship and wish them something nice. And it was all real, none of the long instagram birthday text bullshit. I wanted it all to be real and to express how I really felt about each and every one of them. 26 people in total. Of course not all of them are my best friends, and I even haven’t talked to some of them in a long time, but I always had a place in my heart for each and every one of them.

I finished writing the 26th and last text of them all and then I turned the airplane mode off so the messages would send. I watched all the messages get sent and I turned my phone off to go to sleep feeling like I was getting a little happy again because I said something nice to my friends.

Next morning I woke up and I turned my phone on like I do every morning not remembering what I had done last night for the first few minutes. Two minutes later as the phone connected to the wifi, my phone soon got so many messages that made me remember texting my friends. I think I can safely say that I’ve never been as happy in my entire life as I have been on the morning of the first day of 2018 as I read all the replies of my friends. Suddenly I couldn’t even remember being sad, and all I did was look at my phone with a huge smile on my face, and I know for a fact that if I was crier, I would have drowned in my happy tears.

Examples of the replies I got where:

“Every now and then you send me spontaneous messages that really make my day, and they’re always in the perfect time. You have no idea what this means to me”

“God only knows how much I love you”

“That was unexpected! You’ve added something special to my 1st of January”

“You literally have no idea how this message made my year and to be honest, our friendship is so special to my heart even if we don’t talk much. I really love you so much”

They say that everyone has a special thing that makes them happy and I mean like really happy from the deepest of the heart, and I think that I’ve known for a while now that making people smile and seeing them laugh, that is my thing. I always said that the best thing anyone could ever tell me is that I make them happy. Nothing in the world could ever compare to that feeling.

That was the morning when I realized how happy I truly got just because I told my friends how much I loved them and “hopefully” made them smile. That was the morning when I felt happy again.