An end restarted; a dream revisited

There comes a point in your life when nothing feels the same, not anymore. The warm shades of the sunlight are not as cheerful as they used to be. The roses that symbolized optimism to you are hiding away from the sun. You’re not half as excited to wake up and put on your favorite Jazz music. There is not a single reason to get out of bed. Not even your morning coffee or let’s just say your coffee. It does not taste the same. its smell doesn’t give you chills. Those chills that always felt like a hug to you, they’re not anymore. And here you are, lost in the exact same place you’ve found yourself in, the same place you’ve always called home. For a moment it all felt like an illusion, so real that you began to question yourself how did you even call it home from the start? Those small little details do not mean as much to you. You were being clingy, so you separated yourself a bit, but as you stepped into the distance you forgot to look back. Slowly beginning to isolate yourself more and more each day that your home doesn’t even recognize you anymore, neither do you.

Sometimes we don’t know what is real. Fiction could be our reality and reality could be our fiction. What makes us happy could be the exact same cause of what makes us miserable. Your ship does not fit its harbor any longer, just like your heart. It failed to recall how it felt to love someone. You’ve lost everything trying to love them, you’ve lost your heart looking for theirs. Why do we fall in love with people that stay for so little time? We are just one weird race. Either the dawn breaks too soon, the sun comes out too early or the twilight sky tinted with a million shades soon goes stark starry black. You will meet many types of people in your life. You will meet delicate flowers, raging oceans, quiet forests, towering mountains and colorful skies. You will meet thunderstorms and lightning. They will knock you down, leave you breathless. But you will also meet sunrises and gardens that will give you light and take you on adventures. Explore them, get lost with them. They all have something to teach you just like they taught me. Time passed and here I am again. Woke up this morning and I felt free. I did not have the darkness lurking in the peripherals of my vision. I did not feel as if the world was going to pin me down and leave me paralyzed before I even had a chance to get out of bed. I did not cover away from the sunlight peeking through the window of my bedroom, even those roses out-there welcomed the sunlight once again with a spectacular scent. I did not have to run for breakfast, lunch or dinner. I felt empowered but more than anything I felt as if I could finally love myself the way they used to love me. Does this mean tomorrow I can say I love myself and who I am? Maybe. Maybe not. I did today, and that’s a start.