A letter to my dearest self: Knowing my own value.

Dear self,
For the first time I’m calling you dear while I mean it, I have known your value only when it was too late. Or who knows, maybe it was just the right time.
Learning is such a painful process, but I’m thankful that I went through it all, and only by that, I acknowledged how much I damaged you when you didn’t deserve it. You never deserved it.
I’m writing to you because I owe you an apology, a very big one, more than you could ever imagine. I’m writing to make some promises and I will try to do my best to keep them.
I do not know from where I should start. You haven’t chosen your circumstances, you haven’t chosen to go through all of those hard times to the point that life became your biggest enemy. I blamed you for it all instead of fighting and waiting, although I couldn’t keep on standing on my feet.

I’m sorry that I’m only realizing this too late, but I love you and I accept you. I want you to know that you’re surrounded by people who love you, who have known your value more than I ever did. I want you to know that you’ve overcome most of your fears, and are always taking the risk to take new roads even if you do not know where they will lead you. I want you to know that you’re gifted and you just don’t know how to take advantage of these gifts, but being aware of them is just enough. I want you to know that I’m happy you’re accepting the fact that not everyone will love you, not everyone will be pleased by who you are, not everyone will understand you and stand by you.

You’ll keep meeting on your way people that you’ll lose, who’ll take advantage of your happiness to fill their own emptiness, until you become empty with nothing to give. Do not give yourself too much, do not care too much, do not worry too much and do not be sad too much.
I’m glad that you’re starting to live each moment at its fullest, I hope that you’ll keep being that way, and I promise I will never get weak as I was earlier this year.

I promise I will never hurt you again no matter how bad things might be, I promise I will fight and I will keep you satisfied and always find a way to make you live in peace.

All I’m asking you right now, is that you wish me enough strength to keep this promise.

Sincerely yours,

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