Days Of Future Past

Photograph by Salma Atef

A warm fuzzy night is all it takes me to go on a journey through my memory and what a journey that is! Every year until this moment has been different; each one has been a challenge… I’ve always loved challenges. If I were asked to tell my younger self something, a message perhaps, I’d have a long speech ready. In fact, I have one already. So here it goes:

“We always think of working out as hell that we have to go through to get in shape, but we must also know that we endure the sore body parts as we exercise to build muscles that are willing to endure any effort we make in the future.  Remembering all of the pain we’ve felt throughout the years, understanding now that it has only taught us how to hold on and become stronger.

They’ve always told us not to escape things that stop us from what we want, but rather face them. Escaping the chains of anxiety and depression was the ultimate battle that was worth the fight, we couldn’t let them take the best of us nor could we let them hold us down forever. Honestly speaking, I love this about us, I love how we always get knocked down and get back up. I’ve always admired how after days, weeks, months, and even years of being chained by misery that we’ve always been trying to pick up the locks. No matter how hard these chains were tightened, we’ve always tried.

Yes of course, there are different and multiple scars left on our neck, wrists, and ankles, but they are the best proof of how hard we fought to get out of those shackles. We’ve always known that we had it in us, we had the power to fight, and keep fighting until we’re finally free. We had the power to silence the voices inside our head; the sickening voices; the poisoning voices; the voices telling us that we were never good enough. Well, we were good enough.. We are good enough.

Remember how you’ve felt so alone and miserable? Oh how I’d wish to go back in time, hug you tight, and tell you that this was the last time you ever felt like that. Because it’s true, the promise you’ve made to yourself to never let yourself feel like that again, I knew you could keep your promise. We both know how much we hate breaking any promise we ever made. I am proud.

Everyone’s got this dark cloud over them at some point of their lives or maybe they were few points; a turning point. I remember ours. A hurricane-like kind of dark cloud. One where words of encouragement were no longer significant to us; were no longer effective, you only wanted to hear it from yourself… And you did. You meant it. Do you remember your exact words? Let me refresh your memory, ‘I know you could do it. I believe in you. I believe in your strength. I’ll always be here for you, I’ll always pick you up. I’ll always push you towards the bright side of your life, of your head, of yourself. Just hold on, because I promise you, I promise you this, you are going to make it. You are going to be happy. You are going to live great. You will never be lonely or miserable ever again. I promise.’

I mean it now, I’ll mean it tomorrow, next year, and in our next lifetime, I am proud of you and I am thankful. I am proud of how you much effort you put in hanging on, and changing your life to the better and the brighter version it could possibly be. I am thankful because you’re the reason I’m here today, you’re the reason I love life the way I do.

 

Thank you.”

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A fighter. Just like my favourite top 3; Sakata Gintoki, Uzumaki Naruto, and Midoriya Izuku, I never give up. I learned from All Might that I must go beyond to become great. Midoriya taught me that I must work as twice as hard as everyone else to achieve what I always longed for. Gintoki showed me that even if I went through hard times that I'm still a strong fighter that turns into beast mode whenever needed. Naruto inspired me that even if everyone told me that I wasn't good enough for my dream then I should never give up and do better than my best to achieve it.. So I will. I will go beyond.