Time passes so fastly. A year ago I started my first year of college and since then a lot of things changed concerning relationships, mostly the fact that everyone is expecting and secretly hoping that I get into one right now.
Most of my friends got into relationships, some of them got engaged and even married. And I’m here asking myself “are they really committed to that? How much energy does it require to be with someone?”.
Maybe relationships aren’t scary for them and they’re responsible enough to be committed to someone and have enough energy to build a whole new life, but they are scary for other people. I consider my self one of those people, I find these things scary for many reasons, and many people including my family and maybe some of my friends consider this to be selfish of me.
I tried several times to explain this fear I have towards relationships of any kind. It all starts with me getting bored of people very quickly which makes the idea of sharing my days with someone almost impossible. There are people who are in happy, stable relationships, but most of those I have seen are miserable, specially the married ones. And by the married ones, I do not mean my friends but older people in my circle that includes neighbors or relatives and many others. It’s a fear of getting hurt and experiencing a heartbreak which takes months or even years to heal, which is why I tend to believe that I’m the only person you can rely on.
Relationships are good, but they require a lot of commitment and a lot of sacrifices, and I don’t possess all of this, at least not at the moment. It’s better to be alone than to be with someone I cannot care of enough. It would be selfish if I chose to be with someone just for the sake of being with someone.
I wish that people start to understand that there’s no right time for relationships; being in a relationship requires a lot more than the mere fact that your birthday cake now has candles that start with the number 2.