Normally, most people are inclined to crave the lovely fairytale of falling for someone and spending their lifetime with them happily ever after, I mean, who isn’t?
Who doesn’t dream of waking up to their partner in a warm home with assuasive family in a life full of happiness ahead of them, sharing everything together, carrying each others on bad days, supporting each other to grow and enduring every hardship together as one?
That’s a pretty tempting scenario indeed. Meanwhile, in the real world this scenario is a bit erratic. The relationship is perfect based on mutual trust, no secrets, you’re everyone’s sweethearts but it just doesn’t work. Depedency starts getting on your nerves, bad days start getting more frequent, you can see it going downhill but you’re too helpless you can’t even point out at which point things got so bad beyond repairing. And when it ends, it crashes you leaving you utterly barren and feeling your life is devoid of any purpose.
The less tempting scenario that lacks all the butterflies, rainbows and the background birds’ singing is a relationship where you’re not your partner’s whole world and they’re not yours; with each one of you having his own life, his own plans, focusing mainly on himself and choosing to share some of this with the other. You’re giving each other the comfortable space for both of you to get a hold of your own lives. This entails less sharing everything and keeping stuff to yourselves, less sacrifices for each other’s sakes, less expectations, and fixing yourself on your own and that’s why it’s less tempting and may be viewed as a bit harsh. It requires you to be more or less independent on your significant other. You’re both growing on your own but witnessing each other’s blooming. Your lives don’t revolve around one another but you make sure there’s a special place for them in it. One might think of it a different kind of warmth.
But again, it varies from every couple to another. After all, relationships never came with a manual. And of course you could always resort to being asexual and save yourself the whole mess.