This goes out to you, the beautiful human trapped inside their head. This is something to make you feel better, to let you know you’re not alone and you shouldn’t be. You don’t deserve to be in such state. You need to put yourself first, you’re a lot more important than anyone else.
This is for you, when your words never come out. When your voice is choked off and your mouth turns against you. How many relationships were lost, moments were forgotten and hated, because you didn’t know how to say the right words? It feels helpless, doesn’t it?
But you are not helpless. You’re not a waste of space. Take my words seriously; they’re not blown smoke. You’re misunderstood, because no one has tried before, for a change, to ask you what ways are better for you to express yourself. Family, friends and lovers force you to express yourself the way they find comfortable. You’re going to text, because that’s how they feel safe accepting your words. You’re going to call, because hearing your voice when you apologize vouches for your absence and mistakes. No, you’re going to come—no matter how difficult—to say what you have to, because that’s how they like it.
It’s bullying. It’s unfair. You need to take a step back, and say no. Promise yourself to express it the way you deserve, the way you’re comfortable. After all, when your mind tortures you for your failures, they won’t see it. “You’ve expressed yourself; why are you victimizing yourself?”
“I am a victim!” You need to shout it. You are a victim of your mind, of your love for them. Balance your needs with theirs—don’t bury yours deep below the seventh earth! Their place in your life can be as huge as they deserve, but never in a position above you. If someone leaves you, someone you’ve valued more than yourself, where does that leave you? Beneath the covers, mourning, because you think you have no one. Here’s where you’re wrong: you have you.
It’s a difficult concept to grasp, I’m aware. Self-loathing can be very venomous, toying with your mind and heart day after day until you’re left with nothing. You could list probably 10 reasons why you hate yourself—but can you name at least one showing why you love it?
You might be clumsy, or easily angered. You might look and feel a little imperfect. You don’t have as much friends as someone else. You’re that friend that simply fades in the background. Your view of the world doesn’t match anyone you know. You prefer to be alone and yet love your friends and family more than they think. And you may not love them as much and that’s okay—that’s how you were made, how you are and how you should be. No one is allowed to alter you to their liking.
But take a moment for a deep soul-searching. Try it differently. Search for reasons why you should love yourself. Get cues from those close to you. Pay attention to compliments, for once. The ones repeated are real. They do describe you. If somebody calls you beautiful, try and accept it… just one time. One time will lead to another. Take a break; you’ve earned it, after all you’ve gone through. Don’t belittle it, if it affected you, it’s huge. You’ve survived something; you’re a warrior of a kind.
Your body and soul deserve some of the love you give to others. Always speak kindly about yourself. You’re a diamond in a sea of rocks. Take a moment of your day to smile, breathe deeply, and love yourself for who you are.