When time passes by and you’re in pain, you can sometimes forget that you’re feeling hurt and that you’re struggling, you get used to the feeling. Some days pain isn’t so bad and other days it’s the worst thing in the world, there are days or even months where you try to extract the struggles inside you and destroy them; you might even try to speak about your struggles but something inside mutes your voice. The struggles can be sometimes about not knowing what you want to do, who you want in your life, and most importantly who you are. Struggling silently is a curse, but it’s a curse that you can get rid of. These struggles can sometimes lead you to emptiness of feelings and dreams; emptiness can some days stresses on your nerves and lead you to an endless cycle of questions and feelings; a dilemma.
The struggle of finding yourself and your place in the world is more like a WWIII happening inside of you and you can’t help but watch and wait for it to end. Not knowing who you want makes it harder to deal with everyone; it makes you question your love for them and if they worth the effort or not, it makes you question everything about them and finally this struggle inside you will drift you and everyone apart until you find who you want in your life. This fight inside you is just like identity disturbance, in which you, at some point, stop doing what you used to love, stop going after your goals, and start hating being committed to anything or anyone. It makes you question the things you loved, people you cared about and your own personal goals.
Being silently struggling with all of that is a struggle itself, it lessens your ability of basically expressing yourself and it also puts you on the verge of exploding at any time for any silly reason. It pushes people even further, and if you start to talk you’ll get blamed for not doing it from day one, and nobody will be listening, you’ll remember why you chose to struggle in silence.
But hey, when someone actually understands how it’s so hard to talk about your struggle and your feelings in general, and when they choose to listen to your problems and help you get rid of the war inside you, that’s when you start seeing in colours again. It takes one person by your side; your friend, lover, parent or anyone who genuinely cares about you and able to listen to all the stuff that make no sense to you and try to make sense out of it. That`s why you should choose wisely and become very picky when it comes to the person we will open up to.
The end of this struggle is finding answers for all of your questions and I can’t tell you that it will be easy, but the journey will be more interesting when you have someone by your side.