“Why Do We Fall in Love with Someone and Not the Other?” Newsflash: It’s Not in the Stars!

You walk in the street one day, and then for some reason, your eyes lock on someone and boom—you’re in love. Yes, it’s actually as simple as that, and love at first sight does exist. But first-sight-love or not, why did you fall in love with that person precisely?

One of the reasons people will tell you, is that it’s destiny, or chance, or because they’re your soulmates. No. Just no. Falling in love is more complicated than the idea of destiny or chance. Sure, the person you fell in love with has demonstrated in keeping you in love, but have you ever wondered if an outside force caused your feelings in the first place? Falling in love has a scientific explanation, and one so convincing.

It’s definitely the chemistry. But people tend to confuse chemistry with feelings. Chemistry is hormones, not emotions. The chemistry of falling in love depends on four, essential hormones: dopamine, estrogen, serotonin and testosterone. There are other internal hormones in the premix, but these four mainly control why and how we fall in love.

Dopamine is what makes reward-based behavior feel so rewarding. It’s the reason a drug addict is… well, addicted. Estrogen and testosterone are what give us that sexual appetite. And serotonin helps regulate your moods as well as being the number one cause for obsessive thinking and behavior.

Scientist argued over the reason why these hormones—along with others in the mix—determine why and who we fall in love with. The conclusion reached after many researches and question marks, is that the person we fall in love with is classified—scientifically, not otherwise—as our equal. People are classified in four categories according to the production levels of the four chemicals mentioned before: The Builders, the Directors, the Explorers and the Negotiators. Characteristics of mentioned classifications are one Google search away.

Nevertheless, it must be stressed that only because a person is classed as one of the four above, it doesn’t necessarily mean his characteristics are fixed within his type. It’s not black and white; it’s colorful. Because these types are based on the chemical levels in the body and the body’s ability to produce these chemicals.

It’s important to be mindful of these types and why you’re likely to settle for one type rather than the other. It’ll teach you how love works, really works. Moreover, understanding how love works and why you love a certain someone helps you understand yourself and your choices.

Merely to tell the whole and not only the voice we want to discover, it’s obligatory to bring up the downside of love. Since it’s been tested to be purely chemical, and as it means you’re likely falling in love with the person science-matched with you, love can wither out. It relies on chemicals, and chemicals change their order and are affected by different factors. It sucks to come to terms with such hard truth, but at least now you can take it easy on yourself when your love doesn’t last forever.

Enriched with knowledge, you can now put your queries to rest. Love isn’t a fairy tale; it’s not destiny or coincidental. But now since you can know more about the type you fall for, you can increase your prospects of keeping the person of your dreams and stabilize your relationship twice as better.